Welcome to the wonderful slippery word of personal lubricants – step right in and learn about how lube can transform your sex life. Lots of us don’t like the word lubricant and its cringe-worthy shortened version – lube. They are uncomfortably moist words, but there’s no escaping the fact that lube makes the world go round.
Your car won’t work without lubricants, you can’t swallow your food without lubrication, and you can’t have a satisfying and pain-free sex life without lube.
Some folks love it so much they have a pump action dispenser on their headboard – these innovators are way ahead of the game.
But Wait – What is Personal Lubricant?
Personal lubricant is the posh way of referring to a quality, body safe lubricant you can put on your penis, vagina, condom or sex toys to make penetration easier and more comfortable.
It’s a liquid that smoothes the way and makes sex pleasurable by coating your skin with a thin layer of glycerine, oil, or other slippery ingredients.
Lube reduces friction by increasing your lubricity (thanks, Wiki) to produce a slippery-slidey oh-so-good feeling in your bits.
Why Do I Need Lube?
Sometimes your vagina goes on strike. There is no rhyme or reason for this treacherous behavior. She doesn’t want to play and calls a full-blown knicker drought. Vaginal dryness can be caused by fluctuating hormones, stress, tiredness and sheer bloody-mindedness – whatever her reasons, you can fight back with lubricant.
Lube stops your lady parts getting yanked here and there, neatly avoiding actual friction burns and the inability to sit down because your vagina is ON FIRE.
If vaginal dryness creates problems on a regular basis, you might want to get a quick doctor’s checkup because it can be a symptom of thrush or the like.
Yes, perhaps most ladies do slip off their chairs when you enter the room. However, sometimes natural lubrication doesn’t happen, and that’s not always your fault. If you’re skimping on foreplay shame on you, if not – lube is your friend.
Without lubrication, sex is like rubbing Percy on a carpet. You WILL get sore, in some cases, you may get tiny foreskin tears that sting like a ***** and may cause palpitations.
If you’re really unlucky you might just tear your foreskin completely. Imagine that discussion at A&E and the subsequent call to your boss. I can’t come in today I, err, I broke my penis. They’ll be an office whip-round for some lube.
The rear entrance produces zilch in the way of lubricant, so if you want some backdoor play say hello to a lovely silky lubricant.
The rectum (I’m so sorry) is much tighter than a vagina, tighter even than Kim K’s camel toe, so if you want to put something in there, you’ll need assistance in the form of glorious personal lubricant.
Wait a minute – get your trousers back on because there are several types to choose from. Let’s break them down here.
Different Types of Sex Lubes
For the most part, you can break down lubes into three distinct categories. Oil, water, and silicone.
Pros: Oil-based lubes last literally an entire ice age, so if you’re looking for a night long sesh, this will go the distance without annoying re-application. It’s a right pain to get the lid back off when you’re hands are covered in lubricant.
Cons: They aren’t condom compatible though, and it can be tricky to get off the sheets even on a boil wash. They can also feel heavy on your skin – not necessarily a con, but worth mentioning.
Pros: Water-based lubes don’t contain oil, so they are safe with condoms (woo!) They don’t stain your pillows, table cloth, car seats or posing pouch either making clean up a cinch.
Cons: They don’t last a long time so that re-application might be necessary.
Pros: Silicone-based lubes aren’t made from oils, so they are condom compatible. Some say it’s the best of both worlds as contraception isn’t a problem and they need fewer applications.
Cons: Can’t be used with silicone sex toys. If you use silicone lube on your silicone toys you will damage them!
Anything Else Captain?
Well yes. Some lubricants claim to boost a lady’s sex drive and the chances of orgasm. It’s not medically proven, but frankly, anything that promotes the best bit about sex is worth a go.
You can buy lubricants in flavors should you feel inclined. Flavors range from traditional strawberry, pineapple and marmite through to peanut butter, bacon, whiskey and sperm flavor.
Are There Any Downsides to Lube?
If you’re finding sex uncomfortable, then lubricant is going to make it a whole lot better for you. However, some unlucky folk (all the feels to you) are allergic to personal lubricant.
An allergic reaction is pretty rare, but it’ll take the form of burning and itching. Obviously rabidly scratching at your genitals is not encouraged in the office environment, so use a little at first and go from there.
Also, you should wash off lube after you’ve finished the fun instead of falling asleep. Thrush can develop so rinse yourself down before a well-deserved slumber.
When it’s used correctly personal lubricant is a gift from the gods. You can buy it online if you’re shy or brazenly walk into a supermarket and clear the shelf.
Either way getting some personal lubricant to boost your sex life is a slick move. You can thank us later.